


I'm nothing but a problem

by LeeTheSlytherin



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dadza, Family Dynamics, Family Feels, Fix-It of Sorts, Flashbacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Wilbur Soot, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tommy and Techno are only mentioned kind of, Wilbur Soot Needs a Hug, Wilbur Soot-centric, kind of, no beta we die like Tommy's pets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeTheSlytherin/pseuds/LeeTheSlytherin
Summary: What's the point? L'Manberg would always just be a distant dream, it would always just be his unfinished symphony.Why is he the only one that sees this?orWilbur is at his breaking point. Dadza just wants his son to be alright.
Relationships: Dave | Technoblade & Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, No Romantic Relationship(s), Wilbur Soot & Phil Watson
Comments: 11
Kudos: 199





	I'm nothing but a problem

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. This has been in my drafts for a long time. I hope you'll enjoy it. Take the trigger warnings seriously.
> 
> If anyone is here and wondering why I've written this instead of updating Blue Sun; I don't have a good reason. I'm sorry.

"What are you doing?"

Wilbur freezes, his hand hovering over the button. "Phil?" he asks, confused, unsure if he heard right. He glances behind him but there's no one there.

His communicator in his pocket sparks to life again. "What are you doing?" Phil repeats. His voice comes out as muffled and Wilbur reaches into his pocket to pick it out.

Wilbur ignores the question. "Phil, where are you?" he asks into the communicator instead, letting his hand drop from the button.

"I'm joining the world right now."

Wilbur's eyes widens and he lets out a shaky exhale. Why, why of all times, would Phil come _now_? How does he even know to contact Wilbur? Why on earth would he-

The realization hits him like a train. _Tommy_. Of course. It has to be Tommy that has contacted Phil. He'd been talking about calling Phil, but Wilbur had said no. Tommy must have called Phil anyway without telling him.

_God dammit._

"What-" Wilbur swallows, throat dry. "Do I need to get you from spawn?" His heart is beating madly in his chest. He doesn't know when the thought of meeting Phil became so terrifying, but just the thought of seeing Phil now makes him feel nauseous. "I'm not- I- I wasn't doing anything, we just- we just made Tubbo our president!"

He needs to keep Phil away. He can't let him get close, he can't have him stop Wilbur, he can't let him get here. Wilbur's been planning to do this for _so long_ , he can't just let stop now.

"We, um- we elected Tubbo as our president," he continues, twisting the edge of his shirt in his fingers. His hands are shaking. "We won the war, Shlatt's gone, Shlatt's _gone_ Philza, it's, um- it's-"

"Uh huh." Phil says and Wilbur falters.

_("I didn't do anything wrong," Wilbur lies, looking up at Phil. He points at Tommy, who's stopped crying, although he sniffles every once in a while. He has a red rabbit plushee in his hands. "He said it was okay."_

_"I didn't!" Tommy glares at him. "Y-you just took him!"_

_Wilbur shakes his head. "No, I asked if I could borrow him and you said yes!" He glares back at Tommy._

_Phil sighs. "Wilbur, I want you to be honest," he says. His voice is eerily calm. "Did you really ask Tommy if you could borrow it?"_

_Wilbur hesitates._ _"I- I- Yes, I did. I went and asked him and he said it was okay! He- he said it was-"_

_"Uh huh," Phil says and there's disappointment in his voice. Wilbur falters. "I thought I said I wanted you to be honest.")_

"So you are-" Phil says, very slowly, "-where exactly now?"

_What do I say, what do I say-_

"In L'Manberg, this sorta- the area-" Wilbur rambles, "you wouldn't know, I don't think you've been here, but it's the area around L'Manberg- It's complicated, it's- geography, and that, y'know-"

Wilbur looks at the button again and swallows. His throat hurts. His hands won't stop shaking.

He's so tired.

"-It's geography and stuff and-" He turns around and all the air rushes out from him in less than a second. "-Phil."

Phil's leaning against the opening to the room with his arms crossed over his chest. He hums. "Mh-hm."

He says it casually, but Wilbur isn't fooled. He looks carefully at him, but Phil's face is unreadable, his wings folded behind him. To anyone else, it would seem like Phil was relaxed, but Wilbur can see how his wings are more tense than usual, pressed together. It's not an obvious sign, but Wilbur knows Phil likes to keep his wings close to him whenever he's feeling stressed or threatened. _It brings me a sense of comfort,_ Phil had explained to him once.

Wilbur opens his mouth to say something, but he can't think of anything to say. He's gripping the communicator hard in his hand.

Phil sighs, pushing his bucket hat further up his head. "Yeah."

"It's-"

"-in L'Manberg, you said."

Wilbur grimaces. "Th- This is L'Manberg." Phil gives him a look.

_("I thought you said you were going to the lake," Phil says. They're standing outside Phil's mining cave. Wilbur and Techno glances towards eachother._

_"We did go the lake," Techno tells Phil. There's coal dust covering his shirt. "We just went on a detour, afterwards."_

_Phil doesn't look impressed.)_

"Okay, I will admit-" Wilbur interrupts himself, glancing down at his hands for a second. He fidgets with the edge of his sleeve in his hands. "-do you know what this button is?"

He makes a vague gestures to it, hands shaking as they do. Phil inclines his head slightly. "Uh-huh, I do."

Wilbur nods. It doesn't surprise him. Tommy probably told him about it, begging Phil to come and 'fix' Wilbur. _Jokes on him,_ Wilbur thinks, _it's far too late for that._

"Have you heard the- the song on the walls before?" Wilbur asks abruptly, gesturing at the writings on the walls. "Have you heard the song? I was just thinking about it, and the song- it was the- it's uhm- there _was_ a special place when it's- uhm- but it's not there anymore, y'know? It's not-" He pauses and takes a deep breath. Why won't his hands stop shaking?

Phil stares at him. "It is there, you just- you've just won it back, Wil."

Wilbur shakes his head, because no, he hasn't, why doesn't Phil understand that? Whatever he fought for isn't there anymore. He can't trust anyone anymore. They've all betrayed him in one way or another. There isn't any point in preserving L'Manberg, because he can't even call it L'Manberg anymore, can he? It isn't what he envisioned anymore. It will never be what he envisioned it to be, so what's the point? L'Manberg will always just be a distant dream, it would always just be his unfinished symphony.

Why is he the only one that sees that?

"Phil, I'm always _so_ close to pressing this button!" He's shouting now, the frustration finally settling in. He wouldn't normally scream, but there's no one but Phil to hear it anyways and Phil's heard him scream and shout too many times to count before. "I have been, I have been here like seven or eight times, I've been here, _seven or eight times-_ " his voice breaks and he takes a shuddering breath. There's been so many times when he's been standing exactly where he stands now, when he's almost pressed the button. Everytime, the button has been taunting him, willing him to do it. He hasn't done it yet, but now- "Phil, I've been here _so_ many times."

There's a sudden boom behind him and he glances backwards on reflex, but he can only see the wall. Faraway screams can be heard, piercing through the stone walls and his eyes widens.

 _Fireworks,_ he realizes. _Techno must've lost it, too_.

"They're fighting," he mumbles, more to himself than to Phil, "they're _fighting_." There's more fireworks exploding. He wonders if Phil is going to be mad at Techno too when he realizes it's just not Wilbur who's gone mental. Phil never did like it when Techno would start a fight.

_("You can't go and beat someone up just because they don't agree with you," Phil tells Techno, bandaging his hands. Wilbur hovers in the doorway with Tommy. "I didn't teach you to fight just for you to become a bully."_

_"He deserved it," Techno mutters, glaring at the ground._

_"Did he really?" Phil asks, "Or did you just not want to admit that you were wrong in that situation?")_

Phil stares at him. "And you want to just blow it all up." It isn't a question.

Wilbur lets out a frustrated sigh, glancing up at the ceiling. "Dare I do? I think, I-"

He looks back at Phil when he hears him move. He's pushed himself of the wall and taken a step closer to him, speaking as he do. "You fought so hard to get this land back-"

Wilbur huffs. "I don't even-"

"-so hard." Phil finishes, taking another step.

He's getting to close for Wilbur's comfort. If he takes another step or two, he'll be able to grab ahold of Wilbur and stop him. He can't let Phil stop him.

"I don't even know if it works anymore, Phil," He admits. It's true. For all he knows Schlatt could've taken the TNT away again," I don't even know if it works, I could- I _could_ press it and then it might-"

Phil interrupts him, "Do you really wanna take that risk? There is a lot of tnt potentially connected to that button."

The implications are as obvious as if Phil had just said them. Who knows how much damage the tnt will do?

Wilbur wants to know.

He turns back around, facing the button again. He can hear Phil take another step towards him, but he doesn't glance back. "Phil- there was a saying, Phil, by a traitor, once part of L'Manberg. I don't know if you've heard of Eret?"

_("You're going to make your own decisions in the future," Phil tells Wilbur. It's late, far too late for Wilbur to be awake, but he couldn't sleep. When he went down to the kitchen, Phil was already there._ _"Some of them are going to be good, but not all of them. You'll make mistakes-")_

"Yeah." Phil murmurs. Wilbur isn't very surprised. He'd already thought Tommy had told Phil about Eret.

_("-because everyone makes mistakes. It's part of being human.")_

"He had a saying, Phil." Wilbur says.

Wilbur hasn't forgiven Eret, but he can understand now why he would betray them. The reasons and motives he had.

_("Sometimes your choices will affect other people," Phil puts a hand on Wilbur's shoulder. "Then you have to think about them too, because it's not just about you anymore.)_

His communicator sparks again. He glances down at it in his hand, briefly.

_Tommy: Where are u?_

His face twists into a smile. _Too late,_ he thinks and drops the communicator on the floor.

_("And sometimes your actions will have good or bad consequences. I won't be able to agree or like all the choices you make, because you can't agree on everything with everyone-)_

The button is cold when he touches it, he dully notices. "It was never meant to be."

_("but just remember, Wilbur, that whatever choice you make in your life-)_

His hands aren't shaking anymore.

_("-is in the end, up to you to decide.)_

And he presses the button.

"Oh my god-" Wilbur glances back at Phil. His eyes are wide and there's a horrified look on his face. "-you didn't."

Wilbur looks his dad in the eyes and his mouth quirks up in a hollow smile.

 _Are you proud of me now?_ he thinks and the tnt goes off behind him.

Immediately, Phil dashes forwards, one of his wings knocking Wilbur down on the ground before he can react. The force of the explosions makes the earth shake, rumbling underneath Wilbur. He looks up to see Phil in front of him, his wings now spread out behind him. There's debris and chunks of stones flying through the air and Wilbur realizes Phil is protecting him from the explosions as they continue to explode behind him.

 _Why_ _?_ Wilbur thinks, baffled.

The explosions stops as soon as they began and Phil stands, swirling around and looking out over the remains of L'Manberg. "Oh my god-" He whispers, disbelief coloring his voice. "Wil, it's all _gone-"_ He cuts himself off and turns around to face Wilbur again.

Wilbur laughs as he stands up from the ground. "My L'Manberg, Phil!" He shouts, "My unfinished symphony, forever unfinished! If I can't have this, _no one can,_ Phil!"

Phil stares at him, a horrified look on his face. He glances out over L'Manberg again. "Oh my god..."

Wilbur looks out over the crater that once was L'Manberg. There's people running around, but it's hard to see who is who because of all the smoke from the tnt.

 _It's gone,_ Wilbur thinks. He'd really done it.

And now, there's really only one thing left he can do.

He pulls out his sword and throws it at Phil's feet. It clatters as it hits the ground. "Kill me Phil," he says and Phil's head whips around. " _K_ _ill me_ , Phil. Kill me, stab me with the sword, murder me now, kill me-" Phil's face turns more horrified for every word Wilbur says, "-do it, kill me Phil, _murder me!_ "

Phil glances down at the sword and then back up at Wilbur. An array of emotions flickers over his face. He turns back towards L'Manberg and Wilbur does too. He notices a small gathering of people on a stone platform at the edge of the crater. He still can't see who they are, but he can see that they're all turned towards them, watching. Wilbur laughs and gestures towards them. "Look, they all want you to! Do it Phil, kill me! _"_

"No- I'm-" Phil stutters, before shaking his head, glaring at Wilbur. "You're my _son_!"

_("Wilbur, are you done?" Phil calls out._

_"Almost!" Wilbur yells back, pulling on his beanie. He's been wanting to go to the village every since the last time they went there. "Done!" he runs out of his room and into the hallway, shooting a smile up at Phil, who chuckles._

_"Let's go then. Are you sure you have everything you want to bring?" Wilbur rolls his eyes._

_"Yes, dad." He's not aware at first what he said, but when he looks up at Phil's surprised face, he realizes and his eyes widens. He hurries to excuse himself._ _"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"_

_"Hey, it's okay," Phil murmurs, smiling down at Wilbur, "You can call me dad if you want to."_

_Wilbur glances up at him in disbelief. "Are you- are you sure?" He can't remember if he's ever called anyone dad before._

_"Of course," Phil smiles and crouches down to pull Wilbur into a hug. "You're my son.")_

Wilbur clenches his jaw, but he's starting to feel desperate. Why can't Phil understand that he can't stay alive? It would be better for anyone. Why can't Phil understand that all he's done is hurt people? That it would be better if he's just died?

"Phil, kill me," he pleads, stepping closer to him. Phil shakes his head.

"No matter what you do-" Phil whispers, "No matter what you do, I _can't_."

Frustration claws at his throat. "Phil, you- look, LOOK-" He gestures wildly out towards L'Manberg, or what is left of it. "-how much work went into this, and it's gone!" He swirls back around to face Phil again. "Do it- _do it_ -"

An array of emotions flickers over Phil's face and he brings a hand across his face. When he looks back at Wilbur, his face is carefully blank. "I'm taking you home." Phil says, at last. "I don't care about L'Manberg Wil. Look what it has done to you."

Wilbur laughs. "It doesn't matter," His vision is starting to get blurry. He brings a hand up to his face to scrub at his eyes. "Just kill me."

Phil looks down at the sword. Ever so slowly, he leans down and picks it up. He stares at it in his hands for a moment, before looking back at Wilbur. Regret shines in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Wilbur," he says and Wilbur thinks for a brief second, that Phil is actually going to do it, is actually going to kill him and relief floods through him, but then Phil moves, turning the sword in his hands.

He barely manages to see Phil lifting and swinging the blunt of the swords across Wilbur's head and then there's pain flashing through his head-

_("You need better reflexes," Techno says and pushes Wilbur down on the ground with the wooden sword. "Or you won't have a chance if you're taken off guard." He sticks out his hand towards Wilbur. He takes it. "Try again.")_

-and Wilbur falls.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was okay.


End file.
